Sitting silently upon my childhood swings
Watching the butterfiles pop out of the ground
fluttering around the bars of my life
A beautiful array of colours
twisting and turning in the dazzling sunlight
Each one is a memory: past and faded.
Rising to the milky sky above.
I'm longing to be free
Held here: is this what my life has become?

Overwhelming

The pain unbearable
washes over me
unnessacerily
like a tidal wave
crashing into the shivering rocks
I wish it was over taking me with it
The tears filled with sorrow
The bitter pain will never cease
as long as I'm alive.

understand that...
complexity seizes my mind
forgotten is what i hate
what up true dog
IIII'''''MMMM SSOO WEIRD!!!!
**blog this blog this**
WOOT WOOT

The One

Two names resound inside my heart
One that I can shout from the rooftops
The other hidden deep within

Standing there
Our gazes met
Both uncertain
But yet so sure...
Of what the other feels
For its written in our eyes
Darling my heart aches for you
A longing that won't be quenched

When you least expect it "The One" standing before your eyes
What do you do when he's within reach and you can't have him?

His face is forever etched in my mind and heart.

Song of Solomon 3:4
"...When I had found him whom my soul loves;
I held on to him and would not let him go..."

Nothing I want more

There's...
Nothing that I want more
Nothing that I desire more
Nothing that speaks to me more
Nothing that controls my life more
Nothing that I won't hide more
Nothing that I wanna worship more
Nothing that means more
Nothing that I need more of
Nothing that I
Then you

Like little Childern

Matthew 18: 2-6
"And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said,"Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like childern you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, and whoever receives one such child in My name receive Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depths of the sea." Sitting behind stage listening to pastor Carl speak reminded me of how much responsibility a pastor has in guiding his flock.
Listening to Pastor Carl pray with the little kids made me wonder if they really knew whats really happening when they pray the sinners prayer. How eveybody thats there has to be an example of Christ. In the way they talk, actions, words, and deeds; makes me scared sometimes to know that one day I will be up there and "preaching" I hope and pray that I will be a good example of Christ

*note* I wrote this on the weekend but most of it got erased, so i just kindof threw what i remembered back in this blog. If it doesn't make sense, oh well, its just some of my thoughts. Happy reading

GOOD MORNING JESUS!!!!

Untitled

To stand at the edge of the ocean
Laping waves upon our feet
Carassing kisses down my cheek
Heart fluttering
Could he be the one?
Who can make the world stand still
Who dosen't need anything at all...
To walk distant lands
Smoldering sun buring my eyes
A gentle touch upon my head
Knowing all will be alright
Is he the one?
Who turns fear into rain
Who doesn't want my way
To be in the arms of love
Not knowing where to go
But going all alone
Are you the one?

Leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bible College.....I DON'T THINK SO!!!!
Instead of welcome to the Price is Right, it's more like...
Welcome to Bridal College.
Why is it that I'm always asked if I have someone 'special' in my life.
At every meal time I'm asked if I'm interested in someone....
What the hell...
I'm 19, get off my back...
Just because I'm in school
Doesn’t automatically mean
I'm pursuing a relationship with the opposite .
Or the most famous agonizing question from 'so-called friends'
(and the winner is)
"So, are you dating anyone?"
I hearing that question over and over again because there is so much more to me then a relationship. My school work, the ministry I am in, and most importantly my relationship with God. I never get asked these and if i do its secondary to the "So, you got somebody special" crap. there's so much more to me... so Please leave alone.

Where have they gone?

Nobody here
Nobody for miles
Nobody listening
Nobody smiles
Nobody cares
Nobody holds
Nobody helps
Nobody weeps
Nobody stands
Nobody crys out
Nobody hears
So why do I try?

Perfectionist

Dictionary says:
"a person who is not content with anything that is not perfect or nearly perfect"

Am I this?
Someone who tries to hard...
Someone who seems not to get things right...
Someone who wants to be content...
Someone who will never be satisfied...
Someone who is just this...
Someone who is not prefect...
But what is perfection?
How do you obtain perfection?
Where is this need coming from...'to be perfect?'
Why won’t it go away?
What does it mean to be perfect anyways?
What will I achieve...will it make a difference?

Oh God, I try so hard
constantly taking control
Help me to release all into Your prefect hands
change me from the inside out
Make me like You
renew my heart and thinking

A Real Man

I want a real man
The kind of man I wanna give my life to
One who will respect me
One who will honor me
One who will value me
One who will protect my perious pearl
One who won't persuade me with empty charm
One who will wait patiently for my heart
One who will cherish and care for me
One who will display integrity
One who will spiritually lead me
One who will make me smile
One who will love to dance
One who will hold as I cry
One who will give me strength to carry on
One who will hold me close when I get confused
One who will talk tenderly to me
One who won't raise a fist
One who will love me for me
One who will treasure me
One who will support me
One who will listen to me speak
One who will want to raise up a godly family
One who isn't afarid to cry himself
One who will bear his heart to me
One who will be agressive with what he wants
But yet one who is Spirit-controlled
One who will always put Jesus first
One who knows the meaning of being broken
One who will be humble
One who will be a man of prayer
One who is a motivator
One who will have a senitive spirit
One who will be my best friend
One who will be honset with his feelings
One who will be passionate
One who will serenade me to sleep
One who will pray for me
One who will help me grow my faith in God
One who will make me laugh
One who will wait for me until the time is ready

As

As the stars fill the skies
As the moon rises up
As I look into your eyes
As you tremble in the night
As we whisper in the dark
As you cuddle me through the night
As my tears fall to the ground
As you say "good-bye"
As I watch you drift away
As I break down and cry
As I wish upon a star
As I look and see you standing there
As I see you, see me
As you realize this can never be
As a single tear falls from your eye
As I run to you, but you hold me back
As you say "I'm sorry, we can never be"
as I start to shake with fear
As we look for the final time in each other's eyes
As the moon disappears
As the sun rises up
As I realize...
It was all a dream

Pretend

Just Pretend
Pretend...thats all I'll ask of you
Pretend...you love me
Pretend...to hold me close
Pretend...I'm beautiful
Pretend...to love me as I love you
Pretend...you care
Pretend...thats you'll always be there
Pretend...to try my eyes
Pretend...thats all I ask of you
Just Pretend

A Touch

I seek a touch
Just one touch
A gentle hand upon me
That brings comfort to my aching body
Just a touch
To express what one holds dear inside
It's wonderous what one touch can do
Just a touch can soothe away any pain I feel.
To bring a rainbow after the misery rain.
Just one touch feels like a vanished memory:
Lying on the sand feeling wave after wave wash over me,
Reminds me have how your hands have traveled,
Exploring up and down my body.
Just one touch to calm my heart when it beats to hard.
Just one touch which offers delight, warmth, and no more worries.
Just one touch will break any language barrier
Just on touch can brighten the dullest of days.
Just one touch can chase away any bad dreams.
Needing a single touch to bring me closer to drowning in a sea of hopelessness.
Just on touch is what I need
Will I receive just that one touch

In this Life

In this life my tears fall short
In this life my heart drips inside
In this life my ears hear the calling
In this life my words are silent
In this life my soul is desperate
In this life my needs- not met
In this life your not here
In this moment I'm lost with out you
In this second my hands are empty
In my dreams your there
In this life my heart has to say good-bye

Joel

What words do I have
To convey all that you are to me
For "you" I will hold dear in my heart
You listen to my thoughts
You know what I need
You know who I am
You know how to make me smile
You know what to say to make things alright
You've been my friend though some crazy times
You, I know will always be there
Maybe...sometimes to try some tears
Maybe...sometimes to give me a longer hug
Maybe...sometimes to put suntan lotion on: but maybe better this time =)
There so much more to say
Words now don't seem adequate enough
For in saying this I know that I have found a great Friend
So, Thank you with all my heart

Onward...To...Where?

Nothing can hold me back
Nothing can stop me
Nothing will stand in my way

Your Love
Guides me
Protects me
Holds me
Saves me
Renews me

Pressing onward
In this race
I am Free

Free to be
Free to laugh
Free to sing
Free to smile
Free to be real
Free to be transparent
Free to be seen
Free to be heard
Free to be loved
Free...Forever...Free

What can I say Lord,
My heart is full
My soul longs
My breath awaits
My eyes feel
My touch...unnoticed...

hurt and broken

I need a hug.....give me one